This felt like such a surreal Christmas for me. Just as my children’s schools closed for half term, I recognised how lonely and disconnected from my community I felt, and although being at home with my family can, at times, simply feel like the best thing, albeit hard at times, I still long for misplaced…  This felt like such a surreal Christmas for me. Just as my children’s schools closed for half term, I recognised how lonely and disconnected from my community I felt, and although being at home with my family can, at times, simply feel like the best thing, albeit hard at times, I still long for misplaced meaningful connections with other adults too. The last four years has been life changing for me, and I know others might say the same. The entire virus thing, including the decisions made, how these were communicated, and executed (a harsh word which seems quite fitting) changed my perspective on the entire world around me, especially our social and communication systems, and how we promote health and illness. Although these renewed insights and perspectives brought mostly positive changes, there have been many struggles too which are still ongoing. Most recently my experiences as a parent of children with SEND, a NHS mental health professional, and a neurodiverse woman has left me questioning why most people have stopped talking about what has happened “to us” over the last 4 years. Every now and then Coronovirus or COVID-19 will be mentioned as a reason for why things have spiralled out of control, typically when people cannot or are delayed access to the support or care they need, but otherwise people are not talking about the huge effect this virus has had on multiple generations, or how this Trauma (notice the big T) will be addressed for the sake of our long term public health. I’ve instigated many a discussion about the situation of where we are now and how we came to be here, and have been asking people how it has effected them. Some people are thankful of somebody opening the discussion and others say nothing has changed for them, yet if I then ask about their children in education and how the support they need has changed, theirs or their family’s access to healthcare, finances, how their work has changed, or how different it feels to socialise now, they soon begin to join the dots in how many parts of their life has been transformed unexpectedly. Advertisement My work and my calling is to support people to find another way through life when they have lived-through tough experiences (I call this a “Loss of Innocence“). People, so often, subconsciously bury these experiences in a bid to make them forget or stop feeling emotions and bodily sensations. We bury them as a form of temporary self-protection, to enable us to keep functioning until we feel able to work through the issue, however we do eventually stop being functional and then must face what has happened to us and find a new way forward. Our human brains and fight for power and status, have , in some ways, evolved beyond our mammalian instincts and need to process the experience by shaking it off. Our brains have taught us that at all costs our greatest need is to fit in socially and appear to function normally, this has strangely become more important to us than intuitively doing what we need to do to move on safely, without carrying the threat with us. Sometimes when these feelings are too big to make sense of or deal with we find even more self-sabotaging ways of keeping them hidden, at the detriment of ourself and those closest to us. Here are the 7 key themes I have recognised as a response to the last 4-years of life changing experiences: More people than ever are not talking about how they feel, generally because they don’t know how to put it into words and are not being asked the right questions or being offered a remedyWorking people are reducing their working hours or wanting or needing to work more flexibly around other commitments, this is a shift in priorities. This can include and look like people changing career or starting their own business, downsizing their home, changes in relationships (including financial responsibilities and management), even a change of attitude towards work, like stopping questioning senior decisions or speaking up about things that were never previously questioned.Children are struggling at school, socially and mentally more than ever, and parents do not know how to support their children as they themself are approaching or in burnout. Many children cannot attend school at all due to having unmet needs, feeling more socially vulnerable or anxious, recognising there can be flexibility when others say so and how they have a say in the decisions relating to their life. There used to be a clearer path for families needing extra support, with less children and parents needing professional support before 2020, but now we are recognising the trauma in one another and the world around us, meaning we require greater support, purpose, and a focus on solutions to move on.Some people have chosen to live an “alternative” or “off-grid” lifestyle, many other people would like to do this but are stuck in the social system and do not want or know how to give that up to live more naturally. During the lockdowns we were forced to become more resourceful, going back to a truer purpose as humans. For some, the thought of going back to how things were before 2020 are just too much to bear. Who knows whether this is because they did not feel they fit in to begin with or just did not want to. Some people found a new purpose with spirituality or religion which has changed they way they live their life; this may have come about from a bereavement, stress management, or exploring a deeper life purpose. The rise in consciousness is apparent, however this also brings with it a rise in new and widely used practices which people are wary of, some of which have little evidence base for effectiveness and the long term pros and cons.Many people are not socialising as they used to. Connections with similarly minded people has become more important than ever, there has been a separation in society which is helpful in some ways, however also means people can feel more excluded from society and community (depending on where they live and their background). Adults social anxiety and avoidance is continuing to rise, people often say they want to do something with others although rarely attend the events they say they want and need.People are using social media and online meet-ups more often, however often feel they cannot fully engage in these and sometimes not even show up. This means people are consistently seeking a connection and distraction from their thoughts and feelings, because they are confused and feel unsupported in knowing what is happening and why.Anything else you can think of to add to this list, please do let me know. I am keen to have more discussions about this and expand my understanding of others’ experience, and offer my professional support. Whilst I continue to offer individual support online, as feel it is important people can access personal and professional support around their circumstances, I have also made a conscious choice to only offer in-person group events (apart from my women’s RISE + RECLAIM programme which begins in February 2024). For me, continuing to build a healthy community with the realness of physical and emotional presence and feelings is so important. We do not focus solely on the positives, we focus on the raw, honest, and open here and now. When I am upset, I am upset, I do not think positively about a time when I was not. I recognise the feeling will shift purposefully at the right time, and likely sooner than if I try to avoid the feeling. So my question to you is, how do we re-find connections with others that we feel safe in? And where do we begin to unravel this shit storm of trauma? You can sign up to receive my email newsletters or follow me on social media, to keep up with spaces I am offering to support you and others in this process. Share this: TwitterFacebookEmailLinkedInWhatsApp Tags: connections, coronavirus, covid-19, mental health, parenting, psychology, recovery, relationships, socialisation, trauma Leave a Reply  Reply LIMINAL CONNECTIONS LTD Sevenoaks, Kent, UK hello@liminalconnections.co.uk +44 )0) 7848 197833 Follow Us Facebook @liminalconnections Instagram @liminalconnectionsuk LinkedIn @liminalamandad